Mitch Hedberg – I don’t have a girlfriend. But I d…

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I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.
-Mitch Hedberg
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More Quotes by Mitch Hedberg

I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’ and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg

I know a lot about cars man. I can look at any car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming. -Mitch Hedberg

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool Opotamus? -Mitch Hedberg

I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that. -Mitch Hedberg

I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said ‘You’re gonna have to move you’re blocking a fire exit.’ As though if there was a fire I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammible and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit. -Mitch Hedberg

I wanted to buy a candle holder but the store didn’t have one. So I got a cake. -Mitch Hedberg

Quotes by Popular Persons

I don’t think it’s any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and ‘manned up’ in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic which is funny because I’m not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way. -Jimmy Carr

I’d like to see a world free of strife stress pain hunger war – a cool place where everyone could live. -Dionne Warwick

When you see a fantastic colour or cut in a magazine perched up on some famous so-and-so’s head it’s tempting to ask your stylist for the same but do not be fooled. The hair in those fancy photos can be very high maintenance. -Beth Ditto

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff. -Mariah Carey

If it’s flipping hamburgers at McDonald’s be the best hamburger flipper in the world. Whatever it is you do you have to master your craft. -Snoop Dogg

It wasn’t like I was self-motivated. My dad started me. It was his dream before it was mine. -Venus Williams

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